May 16th last year, fast forward eight months later and things are no longer the same. I no longer live in the same apartment and I am no longer talking to the usual people. Eight months later, rabbits have come and go, but Osmen stays. Eight months later I no longer have a job yet I am financially more stable. Happy New Years but 22 days later. Happy New Years but yesterday felt like the fireworks. Physical classes, thesis, and being 100 steps further from college. A bigger sanctuary, emptier. Eight months later and no longer addicted but hooked on something else. May 16th last year, three months and six days later felt like death. Three months and eleven days later came a breath of fresh air. Fast forward eight months later, still healing, but for another cause. Fast forward eight months later, good riddance.
damn, what was 2018 to me. I had so much happening to me to the point i cant really conclude if it was a good year or a bad year. I had both great and bad friends. Educationally i was going somewhere and nowhere at the same time so what was it?
I guess i could point outs a few of my memorable moments in 2018. Nor greats ones or bad ones, just memorable.
I fell in i love i guess. For the second time in my entire life. This time it was different, this time i actually spent time together in each others' presence. Laid in bed with him, played his hair, held his hands, shared my music, had him pouring his heart out to me at 2am and still had him left me hanging. now i only pretend to excitedly waving at home and have a few minutes of breathing difficulty as the aftermath. now i only gulp at the thought of him being so close to my friends but no longer to me.
but it still had great friends. friends who makes me happy. friends who remembers me. friends who make me laugh. and occasionally friends who make me sad.
but i guess i could say 2018 was the year i went out of my and keep discovering something new. i became friendlier, more confident. i like that. i became bolder. my 15 years old self really couldnt see me where i am now.
and i started a bad habit. a bad habit that anyone beyond my life in kl i hid from. i was not influenced nor was it peer pressure. and it wasnt exactly the stress but i just started it.
i felt so detached the tnire year honestly. idek i was just so sick of getting hurt. later on i just realized that i never got attached and it did not hurt me ever since. but guess the fact that it didnt kind bothers me.
I'm still trying to figure out what 2017 meant to me. Some say it was the year of realization, the year got self love but it meant a lot more to me. It was the year I found real friends. It was also the year I lost them. It was the year I lost myself for awhile and was given help to be found again. It was the year I almost failed my semester, was harrassed and threatened. It was the year my birthday was celebrated for the first time by the people I love. Now I no longer see them. I guess you could say 2017 was the year good things happened followed by the bad things I could never imagine happened.
I am terrified of 2018. I've had enough of imagining things that would happen. I would like to hope for the best but still be prepared for the worst.
Didn't wanna make a big deal about 2015 ending but where's the fun in that ay. Okay 2015 was a year shit happened and was also a blessing year. 2015 taught me that some things aren't always gonna go your way but sometimes it's for the best. I learned that the more you grief on something, the more you hold on to something, the harder it is to move on to the next chapter. The highlight of this year was the people I met and also stuck with me until now I know I make it sound so cliché but to me it's a big deal. I met people that touched my heart but never had the chance to meet them for the second time, I'll remember you always. I said hi to strangers six months ago but now they mean more to me than anyone. I've lost a friend who never considered me as a friend. I've lost a friend even though we talk to each other everyday up till now. I've lost a friend who was toxic to me but I still can't see in what way. 2015 was a year I lost people that had parts of me but also met people who made me realized that losing others doesn't define who we are. At this point I myself realize how stupid I sound right now lmao but it'sk. All in all 2015 turned out quite good thanks to the people who stuck with me (I wanna tag y'all but Im scared it's one sided and aku sorang yang perasan 😓) and to say it was a shit year would be an exaggeration. I'd like to say Happy New Years and may 2016 be a year full of blessings and happiness. And I'd also like to wish GOODLUCK TO THE 99's BECAUSE GOD DAMMIT NEXT YEAR SPM WOI‼️‼️. Let's prove all those who said what? Badge pt3 bodoh? yea let's prove them wrong. OK IM DONE HAPPY NEW YEARS PEOPLE!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊🎊🎉
