a birthday wish for an old friend

      I'm sorry this took me awhile to write but I just wanted to make sure I find the right words to express myself. First of all happy birthday. I really hope I get to meet you soon and I really hope you'll have a great birthday this year. 

      And I'm sorry. Generally for everything. I just constantly feel the need to apologize to you and Nasya. I was never a good friend and I've realized that for the longest time now and I'm still trying to fix myself. 

      I guess you could say what we used to have could never be recovered. We've tried it but it's just not the same anymore. You have it with someone else now but to me I can never have it again. 

      It would be a lie to say that how things right now doesn't make me sad. You were there for me when I needed you and I liked being there for you. I honestly still remember the times when we talked on the phone about the boys we liked. The times we cried over the phone together and even the day when we first met each other. 

      This day last year I was really hyped to celebrate your birthday because I remember you were so stressed out about work and so many other things. I remember surprising you at where you work. It's sad really what happened over the months and I honestly know where I went wrong. I remember our first fight. It was the absolute worst. I hated myself. 

      You and Alan has always been the fairytale everyone wants and it honestly makes me happy to see how it's still going on so strong. I really pray you guys will make it to the end. Inshallah he's the one. 

      You are no doubt one of the people that really made an impact in my life Nasreen. I could never put it in words. You made my last year in high school even better even without being in the same school. 

      I know my words are just all over the place because honestly that's how my mind is right now but I guess what I'm trying to say that I really hope you don't stop seeing me as a friend. I really hope that when someone mentions my name, i'm not just someone you used to be close with. I really hope you think of me as someone you can go to whenever you're doubting yourself. Even if we talk once every two months. I love you. Both you and Nasya. I know i'm really bad at showing it but for fucks sake you guys are so so important to me. You are beautiful, loving, caring and so many things. You're one of the people good took time making. I really mean it. Goodnight boo and happy birthday 💛🎉