I miss my friends. Friends who take care of me, friends whom I take granted of. The “how are you?” when they see one bad tweet. The “gosh i miss hanging out with you” even though they barely even do. These people value your presence the way they should be valued and yet I look pass that. They’re the type to observe from far and I still choose not to see them.

i miss you. i miss you so much. i miss being able to tell you literally everything. what i felt, what i didnt. i miss being safe with you. i miss not caring about not having anyone but you. i miss how much i mattered to you as much as you mattered to me. but at one point you decided that had to stop. why did you? why did you had to leave me scarred and traumatized like a three year old boy whose dad had abandoned? why did you have to cause me panic attacks late at night no matter how long this issue has been? why did you have to leave me with unanswered questions and myself to blame?

if you're reading this, you're it. i discovered the true meaning of friendship when i was seventeen and even then i thought it was too late for me to make friends. until i met this group of crackheads that made me feel like i was given a different life, a better one. and that was it, until all of us had to part ways for a better future. just like any other relationships i've had, i thought this was going to end. but its never the end with them.

fast forward to when i am twenty now, i keep the memories of those crackheads at the back of my mind, waiting to make new ones in the nearest future. they are my life and soul.

I probably did something right in life because again my fate brought me to few more great people. they were added to my list of people I wish to visually perceive again in probably thirty or fifty years from now. they never replaced the old ones, they're just there to make life a little more intriguing. they are great people, I dont deserve them.

i feel content, in doubt, but still content. I refuse to focus on the bad. I have good friends, good surroundings, good life. Ya Allah if you ever going to take this away from me, please take it away gently. Every night I go down to see people I cherish, to see people who are as excited to see me. The feeling I can only find in my hometown now I've found it nearer to me. A bunch of people I'd call a do or die. And I'd come up in the morning every fucking day like a one night stand from different guys. But it's the same people, doing the same stupid shit, having a laugh over smallest things. I no longer feel as lost as I used to be a month ago. And the best part of it, I still manage to go to class and get my work done. These the type of people I wish to keep for the rest of my life.

yours truly, the happiest version of me