I took a moment and read some of my old entries and it made me realize how much in pain i was. I mean I still am but back then being 15 and already knew the feeling of a heartbreak? that's just not right. I was so dark and intense. Did that make who I am now today? Could've I been something else? Something better maybe. I refuse to look back 10 years from now and see zero progress. I refuse to be in more pain. I want to prosper.

I know this will probably be nothing in a months or even weeks if I'm lucky enough but everything hurts so much. I don't know where or how but it just hurts. I dont know what to do to make it better. Every actions I take or every words I say there are consequences that causes not only me but the people I love a greater pain. Ya Allah I'm begging to make this pain, this confusion and this fear to stop. I've been hurt before but I don't know what is it this time. I usually tell myself that it will be over it will be over but this time there's a really dark part of me just feels like it won't.