what kinda love do i want?

you know how it was that one time you were up for the sunrise in warm pajamas with your hands around a hot mug and your heart full of birdsong and for an instant the morning didn’t taste like iron but instead swelled big and beautiful in your chest

you know how it was when you fell off the swings and it knocked the air right out of your body and for a second you couldn’t breathe and air meant everything and you realized how humans break so easily

you know how it was when you were walking in a museum and stopped dead to stare at a piece of art nobody else seemed to really notice because for some reason it hit a place in your bones that nothing ever made sing before and part of you wanted to laugh for it and the rest wanted to start crying

you know how it was when you were listening to your favorite songs on repeat, belting them in the passenger’s seat, somehow knowing this was how it’s supposed to be

you know how it was when you had that day at the beach that never seems to lose its shine in your memory so every time you sink in your teeth it always tastes golden and happy

you know that one time that you woke up on a rainy morning and everything was quiet and you got to stay at home all tucked up in blankets just doing nothing and spent the evening watching bad movies and couldn’t stop laughing

i want that. i want a love that feels like that. like a whole forest opening up for a thunderstorm. like a day where nothing hurts. i want to feel like how it was the first time i really looked at the stars. i want a fairy spell and a chemical burn and a name that never erases from inside my jaw. i want quiet moments and a perfect red fall. to love you in every square of your body and soul, every perfection, every flaw. that’s the kinda love i want. i want it all.