four weeks in, constantly changing but that’s okay
I may have noticed this before but I am saying this now, I’ve unlocked every version of myself. The faulty ones that need fixing, the best ones that you want to keep forever and even the unlimited ones that not many has used. My past or maybe even future self would not agree with this but my present self feels like this is the time.
I’m in a dilemma of feelings, as usual. I feel great but my mind keeps convincing me that I’m not. What does this mean? I’ve lost that lack of skills to write or even be interested in anything or anyone anymore. One moment my guilt would take over and convince me to apologise on everyone on the face of earth, and the next I would force to forgive myself first even if I don’t deserve it.
My writings have always been about someone or constantly feeling confused or stuck in between something, and that just shows I have not grown. On my good days I’d like to believe that I have but then I would convince myself that I wouldn’t have to if I’m in the right place.
I no longer feel like I don’t need him. I just hope that every versions of myself unlocked him something worth keeping. I admit on days I am angry the most is only because of myself, never him. He is good for me, he is therapy for me, he is the only one that makes me forget that I am not sick.
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adore you
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