i hate myself

I feel like lately I've been focusing too much on people's flaws instead of my own. All the bad things they do to me lingers in my mind and never once have I thought about mine. I sometimes think that it is unfair, what people do to me. And I always had a say to what I do. Even a conversation in my head, asking myself why did I do it, I always had to say something back. It was like talking to my alter ego and even with my alter ego I was egotistical. I guess you could say this is karma. I used to leave people to go to other people then claim "I'm allowed to have other friends" but when my friends do to my I throw a bitch fit.  I can't accept the fact that people don't always need me and that they can't always come to me. But I feel like they never did in the first place. My thoughts are all jumbled up now. I'm standing in between a line of self ego and the things I deserve.