Day 292

I am sick and tired. Not in a poetic or metaphoric way but literally. I have been sick for weeks. It gets better then it gets worse again. I feel like I've not had a proper sleep for days and each morning I wake up, I physically and mentally ache. 

I am at that point of my life where I'm constantly worried. To that point that I dont know of what. I am questioning each decision I make. One wrong word from anyone or even myself, I break. 

I have issues with myself currently. The constant feeling of not being worthy enough. Am I up for it? Can I really handle it? or similar questions pop up my mind. I doubt myself like I've never doubted anyone before. I question my capability and my state of mind. Am I in the right place to do such things? 

And then there's issues with my feelings. There always will. This doesn't worry me much but it's there in my head and it's pointless, causing me more stress. Then the insecurities creep in and I fall back the rabbit hole of self hatred. 

Speaking of hatred, I get bad vibes from most people nowadays. And the worst part is most of the time my instincts were right. People talk, people change, people pretend.