February 1st

Only the second month into 2019 and a lot has been taught and a lot has been learned. Again feeling like you're at the bottom of the ocean just shows how much you're living. I felt betrayed even when I shouldn't but just like any other human, my feelings can't be helped. Not being in control sucks but that's just the way of life.

Things are good now. Funnily just two days ago I did not even feel like breathing. But things changed and it will keep changing. The good will go and the bad shows up. And that time it may be like the world is ending but I just need to remind myself that it isn't.

Love is learned and understood. Love is being able to feel at ease. Love is being able to be happy for someone else. Love is letting go. Love is acceptance. Love is all kind of forms. Love is pain.

There are few things I'd still like to talk about though.
How do you let go a friend you love so dearly to someone else? How do you watch the person you love choose someone else that makes them happy over you? How do people tell the difference between what makes them happy and selfishness? What's the difference between selfishness and knowing what you deserve?

2019 made me question so many thing. These questions are never really answered. You just gotta wake up each day, makes a decision for yourself and hope to God you don't hurt someone's feelings.  I never meant for it to be this hard on someone else or even on me. With the right intentions and an open mind, things will be okay. 2019 will be okay.