Rock Bottom

They say rock bottom is when you feel the absolute worst, when there's no where to go. Optimists would just say when you're at the lowest the only way to go is up but others find comfort. I on the other hand find zero comfort about being at rock bottom nor am I going up. Heck I feel like I'm not even at rock bottom in the first place. But I feel like shit that's for sure. I didn't get in. Things have never been my for as long as I can remember but I know it's because I don't pray enough. I'm trying to be okay with it but to think that I think it's unfair, is unfair. Sometimes when I'm reminded of it, it hurts. The head pounding type of hurt. But when I'm distracted I feel okay. Okay enough to think that I'll be okay. But I guess it has always been at the back of my head and only resurfaces occasionally, will I really be okay?