Reality check

I wanted to die tonight. Not in a trendy way some people has been doing these days but I actually wanted to die. I've not wanted to die in so long and the last time I had those tendencies I was really in a bad place. This past year has been something. I had something to look forward to everyday. To wake and be excited about something. But today, everything vanished. I had this sick feeling, imagining myself waking everyday and actually have to go through it. I could physically feel myself feeling so sick like waking up from a really bad hangover. I guess that's what it has been this past year. Just days of binge drinking alcohol without a thought of that this phase or whatever it is will end. If reality check was a day, today would be it.