but you my love, you were both my highlight and downfall

In my earliest letters I dedicated to you, I predicted we may not be tight as we were and I was right. Kind of scary to think of it. I had faith in us but a part of me didn't. 

It is so fucking sad looking back at it. You made me realize how much I prefer being angry at someone rather than feeling so fucking sad about them. 

I had a few highlights this year but you my love, you were both my highlight and downfall of my entire life. Now I truly believe I have loved you so fucking much and I still probably do. 

Saying that I didn't appreciate you enough would be a fucking lie because I did. I really did. I appreciated you so damn much. Every smiles, every laughs, every questions, every breakfasts or every lunches, back then I really wish I could put them in a small box and replay them whenever I wanted. 

You changed me, you really did. I'm preventing myself to stop being so fucking cliche but these are just facts. I fucking love myself when I'm with you. As much as I love you. 

Now I'm back to where I was. Happy, nor am I sad. And to think that I'll never get back what I had just breaks my fucking heart every damn night. 

I'm sorry if I sound so angry. I just really really miss you. I'm only left with our old messages and nothing more.