I felt various kinds of pain. The crying myself to sleep pain, the physically heart aching pain, the emotionally draining pain but I guess this time it’s all of it combined. I’ve showed too much part of myself and I guess the thought of starting over or going through it all over again with someone new just aches. I blame myself. No matter how many times I bury the idea of I deserve better in my brain, I still have myself to blame. 

I am too sick. 

My head is really somewhere i dont want to be at at the moment. 

I never want to be left alone. 

I am at the highest peak of hating myself.