To be with or without

I was so scared of losing you. Even when I thought I didn’t, I still did. Not being able to talk to you or knowing that you would not talk to me for even a second scared me to the core. My mind started to wander to dark places I didn’t like to be in. Places that had scenarios of us not talking anymore or to scenes that we were walking pass each other but felt like it was just two strangers on Earth trying to get through their day. It hurt me. I am at that point where I’m being so careful of my actions or words, even the smallest ones. One wrong move and I could lose you forever. But in that moment that what felt like losing you, i realised maybe you don’t mind of losing me. You did not feel what I felt. You never did. You would not put everything aside just like what I did for you. Now I just cant figure out which would be a bigger loss, being with or without you.