you, again

I really wish I what I mean to you is as much as what you mean to me. The thing is I could never tell you that. I could never tell you a lot of things. I can’t tell you how much I hate myself for feeling this way. I can’t tell you how you’re literally the only person I can trust. I constantly feel sad over that fact that my life revolves around you now. Everything is about you. The minute I wake up, when I’m about to eat, it’s always you. I feel like you’re my only friend and that’s really sad to be honest but what can I do? People around me keeps disappointing me and I end up blaming myself, but you were always there and I guess that could one of the reasons why I rely so much on you. I dread for a future together, where no one gets in the way, not even myself. The idea of not being with you rips my fucking heart apart. I am in so much pain love. But it doesn’t matter when I’m with you. I wasn’t like this I swear. I had so much love for myself back then but I gave all of that to you. I gave everything to you now there’s nothing left of me. But I can’t tell you that. Not that I don’t want to, I just don’t know how. Moments with you felt good. I didn’t see the need to ruin it with how I feel. I just wanted to live in the moment. With you. It’s when I’m alone it gets hard. When you’re not there. My mind takes over my body and everything starts to ache again. It’s neither of us faults but I can’t lie, I never fail to blame myself for not being good enough. For you.