I told myself I was absolutely done with you & I've said this quite some time now but I was so sure this time was it, finally. I don't need you anymore, I told myself. I've finally realized what I'm worth and how you treat me was far from that even though I accepted you as my first love. I've fallen in love a lot of times now but I wouldn't call it love. Just finding a part of myself in someone passing by on the streets or just having a crush like how they say it. But you weren't, at first I thought you were but I took the time to actually feel what you make me feel and it's not those kinds of feelings those skater boys on the streets gives you so I thought this must be it. I enjoy the moments we had together the second we started talking even though now and then I really wished I didn't come across you but every living cell in me knew I never meant that. Those moments we had together was something I'm willing to carry and bear in my mind forever regardless of what happens. You made me feel a lot of things and sometimes, all the time, all at once and for a minute there you fooled me, maybe you felt the same thing. I wasn't willing to risk what we had by making the first move or do anything at this point to ruin what we have. I like what we have, something I've never had with anyone. You showed me all kinds of signs and made me so confused to the extend that I hated myself, like I don't hate myself enough. And I was ready, ready to let you go, to let you slip away or what I'm always good at, to walk away. But who am I fooling? There's this spark in my guts that's just so curious of what you've been through and what made you who you are and I'm sure you went through hell to get where you are now. The way you told me about your first love I just imagined sadness in your eyes. How both of you fell in love but can never be together. No one knows the ache of listening to your first love about their first love more than i do. There was so much pureness in you that I find it hard to hurt you, to leave you even though I know you'd never get affected but I never wanna risk it. I'd rather have you hurt me rather than the way round. I guess that's first love huh, willing to take a bullet for them, even when they're pulling the trigger.
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